About This Episode

Have you ever downplayed your symptoms at work, turned down accommodations, or pushed through so no one would know? Cindy Beltre, a NASA program analyst, hid her autoimmune diagnosis for 10 years. On this episode of Invisible Strength, she joins Karin and Chris to talk about why she hid it, how masking made her sicker instead of stronger, and the changes, from therapy to an electric wheelchair, that helped her build a fuller life.

Key Takeaways

• Cindy carried shame about her diagnosis for a decade and believed hiding it was the only way to reach her goals.
• Hiding it made her sicker and made everything harder. She believes accepting help sooner would have gotten her there faster.
• For years her symptoms were written off as anxiety, including a military discharge that called her healthy.
• A 12-mile hike, where her husband carried her the final mile, was the moment she knew something was wrong.
• Therapy, pacing and assistive devices, like an electric wheelchair, have changed her daily life and her family’s vacations.

A decade of hiding

“I carried a lot of shame and guilt with the condition,” Cindy said. “At the end of the day, I knew it wasn’t my fault, but for some reason I still carried this sense of shame.” She believed the only way to have her dreams come true was to hide it: “If nobody knew and I acted like it wasn’t there, then it wasn’t there. And that wasn’t the case. It made me sicker.”

She went on to build the life she wanted: a child, a family, a house and a career. Looking back, she says it would have happened anyway, and probably more easily, if she’d accepted the help and accommodations she needed. “There’s no shame in it,” she said.

Misread as “just anxious”

Cindy was an anxious child and teenager, so she wrote off a lot of early signs. She could never pass the run in high school, even though she was in the gym all the time. She enlisted in the military, went through basic training, and didn’t pass the run there either. She was discharged and told she was healthy and just didn’t want to run.

The hike that changed everything

The turning point came on a 12-mile hike through the redwoods in California with her husband. It kept getting harder, and in the last mile she couldn’t breathe. She told him to go ahead and get help. Instead, “that man lifted me up over his shoulder and carried me the last mile of the hike.” That was the moment she realized something might really be wrong.

Why therapy made the difference

Cindy always followed her medical treatment. “But the help I needed the most was a therapist, and I didn’t go to seek that help until I was at my low,” she said. By then she was depressed, her marriage was struggling, and she was angry at God and at herself. Therapy helped her learn that her health matters and that she has to put herself first. “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

Pacing, and the wheelchair story

Cindy still overdoes it some days, but she’s made small changes, including buying an electric wheelchair. Using it on a family cruise was eye-opening. “I’m baffled at the fact I’ve never thought to buy something like this,” she said. “Why have I been killing myself on vacation?” Assistive devices aren’t giving up. They can be what lets you actually enjoy the trip.

Advocacy, community and a future nonprofit

Today Cindy builds online community for others with chronic illness and writes about her journey for rarediseases.com, with the goal of helping doctors spot symptoms sooner. She dreams of starting a nonprofit that hosts events designed for people like her, with shade, seating and accessible bathrooms, instead of fundraisers built around running.

Her advice for anyone early in their journey: “Advocate for yourself. If you have a doctor and you feel like that doctor is not listening to you… find another doctor.”

Follow Cindy on Instagram at @sin_der_ellaaaaa.

Your turn: What condition or challenge do you want to hear about on the show? Leave us a comment on YouTube.